My Nature Connection - Abi

As Abi and I made our way around a park in Horsham seeking out shards of autumnal light to take photos I learned a lot about the experience of being in an outdoors space in a wheelchair. Abi and I came across each other on Instagram and as we chatted further by DM we had open, honest dialogues and I noticed my mindset changing around nature and my posts by conversing with Abi. As a platform with the main focus on getting out in nature I recognise the importance of understanding my communities differing relationships with nature and I feel it’s important to open up the conversation about all those different relationships. I’m kicking off a series of these conversations with Abi today.

You were born with Spina Bifida, what has that meant for you and your mobility? 

I was born with Spina Bifida in 1976, when it was very prevalent.  And because it affects the baby in such a wide range of ways, some thrived, and some didn’t.  I however, was considered to be one of the   ‘lucky’ ones as the lesion in my back (Spina Bifida), was at a level that meant that any physical difficulties that I would encounter as I grew, would be below waist level. I have limited sensation below the waist and my circulation below the waist is poor too. I think I first learnt to walk aged 4 when I was able to get my first pair of crutches. I also had to wear iron callipers that supported my legs to enable me to walk, along with very unattractive orthopaedic boots, that resembled flower pots. How I longed for a ‘normal’ pair of black patent Clarke’s school shoes, that my fellow school friends would be showing off at the beginning of the school term. 

I can’t remember exactly when the pain started, but my first memory of it was in class in secondary school, it was a niggling pain in the groin (a transfer of pain as I had limited feeling below the waist). I didn’t take much notice of it at first, but over time the pain increased, and I started to feel unwell in myself too.  Fast forward several years. After a disrupted education, many months of bed rest, a tonne of antibiotics, hospital stays, one or two near death experiences (or what felt like), an attempt at a work life, and a diagnosis of Osteomyelitis (infection of the bone), I had a double below knee amputation at 23yrs. Believe me when I say that it was one of the best things that ever happened to me – I know longer had to live each day in pain and fear. I had to learn to walk again with prosthetics which wasn’t easy, and still isn’t, but to not be in constant pain is an utter joy.

As your mobility has changed over the years, how has your connection with nature evolved?

I grew up in a rural environment and growing up we always had animals around – dogs, cats, horses and the occasional chicken. So pre amputations my connection with nature centred around being with the family pets and riding my pony in the countryside, when my health allowed. I’ve always been interested in documentaries and anything that reflects real life, and so even when on bed rest I would read nature and natural history books and watch wildlife documentaries on TV.  In my late teens, I became less well, had a boyfriend and a good circle of friends so if I’m to be totally honest, there was little interest in nature or countryside living, and the few periods of feeling relatively well, were naturally spent in the pub hanging out with friends. 

There have been many years since the amputations that nature and being outside in the country have not featured much in my life. Partly due to accessibility, or lack of it – I now use a wheelchair much of the time, and partly the confidence to embark on these adventures on my own has prevented me from being in the great outdoors. I have recently got a wheelchair hoist fitted to my Motability car, which I hope will give me the confidence to travel further afield with the knowledge that I will be able to at least get the chair in and out of the car independently. Hopefully the future will look greener and more nature orientated for me!

What are your main blocks for being in nature?

I’d say the main barrier for being in nature for me is the simple fact that there appear to be very few wheelchair accessible trails/paths through woodland/rural areas that are easy to get to. Although there are wheelchair accessible parks at various places throughout the UK, they are few and far between, and depending on where you live depends on how many of these parks there are. A useful website showing where these accessible parks are is Walks With Wheelchairs.  I would say that my local park is 60% wheelchair accessible in terms of being able to easily propel my chair around the outside of it. Having said this, it is by no means flat and there are a number of bumpy uneven spots, and the concrete path seems to run out about just over halfway round, so if there has been a lot of rain, it’s a ‘no go’.  And of course, there’s the usual lack of accessible toilets.

Of course, none of these physical barriers will be broken down unless attitudes towards disability change.  I will admit, I haven’t always embraced disability myself, and have spent many years hating it and anything relating to it and would rather walk in pain than use a wheelchair in public. 

It must have been 17yrs ago when I started training as a Facilitator of Disability Equality Education, that I was introduced to the Medical and Social Model of Disability.  This was an utter revelation to me. You see, I had spent my entire life up until that point thinking that my body was the reason I couldn’t partake in the same activities as my peers, that it was faulty and the thing to blame for holding me back. Afterall I had spent enough time in hospitals, around medical professionals who were trying to ‘fix’ me so that I could appear more ‘normal’.  Now, I’m not talking about the period in which I was battling Osteomylitis, no, that intervention was vital, it ultimately saved my life. I am talking about the operations prior to that, to fix this, to straighten that, which in my case proved to be pointless considering I lost my legs anyway. 

So, what are the Social and Medical Models of Disability? The Medical Model of Disability views disability as a ‘problem’ that belongs to the disabled individual. it is not considered to be an issue to concern anyone other than the person with the disability. For example, a disabled person using a wheelchair or crutches is unable to access a shop because of the steps, the Medical Model states that it’s the wheelchair and the crutches that are the problem and not the steps that are preventing access.  In contrast The Social Model would suggest that the steps were the disabling factor and not the person who uses a wheelchair or crutches. These barriers that society creates can also affect pregnant women and families with small children, elderly people, blind people and not physically disabled people. It is therefore short sighted to assume that the changes to be made will only benefit physically disabled people.

And so, in short, the barriers to accessing nature and the outdoors for disabled people is largely to do with attitudes held by non - disabled people towards disability and the historical assumption that disabled people ‘can’t do’ rather than they ‘can do’.  And if non – disabled people continue to assume that disabled people ‘can’t do’ then there’s no reason to change. I was shown this quote today by a friend and I feel it sums up the two models perfectly.

““When a flower doesn’t bloom, you fix the environment in which it grows, not the flower” – Alexander Den Hejjer”

What changes are needed in the outdoors for wheelchair users and how can others be mindful of wheelchair users needs?

I think, as I explained previously, unless attitudes change towards disability, then I think that the barriers that prevent many wheelchair users accessing the outdoors will remain.  If something is not considered important enough then at best it’ll be paid lip service (accessible toilets that are not actually accessible as they are used as store cupboards, for example, but they’re there to meet a requirement), and at worst just pushed under the carpet and ignored. By the same token if disabled people are unable to access the community in an inclusive way, then there will be little exposure to the issues that disabled people face, and it’s difficult to be mindful of something if you are unaware of its presence. So really it appears to be a bit of a vicious cycle. Fundamentally its down to education and communication.

Tell me about your relationship with your gorgeous dog!

Ahh, my pride and joy!  As I’ve said I grew up around animals, so they’ve always been a big part of life for me.  However, when I permanently moved out of my family home about 15yrs ago, I never considered having my own dog, mainly because I was working and besides that, dogs need walking, and that seemed impossible for me. 

It was March 2017, and I got a phone call from my mother, who excitedly informed me that my sister had brought home an abandoned puppy from work (she worked for a vet at the time). I remember it was a Friday as I was due to meet a friend for a lunchtime drink at the local pub, and my interest in said puppy was limited.  Anyway, mum persuaded me that I should look at the puppy before someone was found to rehome her. So, after my lunchtime catch up with my friend (priorities, right?), I dutifully went to see the newly acquired canine.  Well, to say it was love at first sight is no exaggeration! She was just the cutest bundle of fluff I had ever seen.  After a few weeks of consideration, I decided to take the plunge and bring Little Dorrit home with me, still with no idea of how it was all going to work out. 

My first obstacle was to find a way of being able to exercise her effectively, as she got bigger.  I knew that walking her on my prosthetic legs was not going to be an option. I went online to work out my options and ended up purchasing a waist lead that joggers use to allow their dogs to run alongside them and a harness. At first all the wheeling was down to me, but now that she’s bigger and stronger she does much of the pulling, and being a Chow Chow X, this came quite naturally to her.  Having Dorrit has re - introduced me to nature and the outdoors!

 Being exposed to the elements on a wild and windy autumn day with the leaves swirling amongst the cloudy skies. The bright crisp, frosty winters mornings where your cheeks and nose are numb with cold, and the cool summer evenings with the smell of BBQ’s in the air, can be exhilarating and calming in equal measures. I am by nature a chronic worrier with diagnosed moderate anxiety, and being outside in the fresh air, with Dorrit, away from my phone, and all the distraction it holds, helps to compartmentalise everything in my head. I don’t know what I’d do now without this little dog in my life.

“A breakthrough is a moment in time when the impossible becomes possible” – Tony Robbins

You have been sober for 18 months and you also meditate – could you talk a little about the impact of that for you?

 My relationship with alcohol hasn’t always been a tricky one. Through my teens, I enjoyed the occasional drink out with friends, and they’d be the odd night out where too much was consumed. But to be honest, since most of my teenage years and early 20’s was consumed with periods of ill health, alcohol was not really a part of my life. Even into my 30’s, although I drank fairly regularly by this time, it was rarely more than a couple of glasses of wine.  It was in my early 40’s, single and working from home that my drinking increased to levels that were verging on problematic – a bottle of wine a night was the norm for me. Looking back, I can’t say that I drank because I was lonely, I simply enjoyed the feeling of being tipsy, it was a form of escapism.  It made me feel better about myself, it made me feel more content, allowed me to let my imagination run wild, and if I did feel anxious or worried about something it would take the edge off. It did become crutch, a ‘friend’ that was always there to make me feel better about myself and raised my confidence, which occasionally would lead me to making some pretty dodgy decisions.  

It was just after Christmas 2017, and I was in bed with the annual dose of flu, which gave me the time to reflect on the past few years, and made me realise that although I was feeling pretty ropey with the flu, I had also spent much of the past couple of years feeling under the weather. It dawned on me that I was almost always slightly hungover, and the anxiety that I was trying to stem, was much worse the morning after the night before.  I was sick and tired of feeling sick and tired. What started as a challenge with me to quit the booze for the month of January turned into 18 months of abstinence. Unlike when I gave up smoking, several years previously, I felt a physical change within a couple of weeks. I started to notice that I was waking up clear headed and less anxious about the day ahead. I was able to think more clearly and prioritise tasks, which in turn lessened the anxiety, I became less emotional, and I felt more in control of ‘me’ and more accepting of my situation as a disabled woman. Nearly 2yrs on, I do now allow myself a glass or two of red wine when I go out for lunch or dinner with friends and no longer have alcohol at home, which has not bothered me at all. I am very aware though, that it is something that I will have to always be mindful of, as it could be a very easy habit to fall back into.

What are your thoughts on how we can connect with the nature that’s on our doorstep?

Even if we are unable to go far and wide and explore nature in its entirety, either because we are physically unable to or because we live in an environment that doesn’t allow us to I believe that we can still gain a little spark of joy from nature.  Throwing the windows open on a spring morning, when the sun is not yet throwing out summer heat and there’s a gentle breeze in the air, and the sound of birds singing in the distance.  Watching as the rain lashes against the windows whilst a howling wind swirls the rustic coloured leaves into the air, on a balmy autumn afternoon. Tending window boxes, pots or hanging baskets, bursting with colourful summer flowers, enabling the honey and bumble bees to thrive, these are all things that I have done over the years to keep connected with nature.  If we learn to communicate with each other, and become more compassionate and understanding of each other’s requirements, then there is no reason why we shouldn’t live in a more inclusive society that allows people of all abilities to access the wonders that nature and the outdoors has to offer.  But in the meantime, “Life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass.  It’s about learning how to dance in the rain.”  Vivian Greene.

If you’d like to share your story about your connection to nature drop me a line.